Hard Realizations to Admit

September represents a time when we all return to Lodge after many of us have taken a break for summer. Certainly, there are other activities that keep us busy: family vacations, the Shrine, MMCI, and Widows Sons all come to mind.  

Spring and fall are times when many get slammed all at once: both from summer approaching and summer departing. On more than one occasion, it has caused me to pause and reflect, “How do I use my time more wisely? Are there opportunities for me to minimize the impact of this change of seasons?” Each year, I promise myself that I will tweak approaches and find better balance. Each year, I promise that I will be more mindful about what I commit to, and yet each year I seem to fall into the same patterns.  Adding an additional twist, I was born a May Taurus.  My family might say that this brings with it a natural stubbornness, but I don’t see it. Well, OK – maybe just a little…

I know that I am not alone. I hear others making the same observations as they scramble to get things done. Each year we talk about our symbols and methods of time management, and yet the discipline seems to escape us.  

Reflecting personally, for much of my life, I have believed that one of the greatest lessons is learning how to face obstacles, to push on, persevere and grow. Like anyone, I may find myself wondering about why certain trials are sent my way. Each time I try to remind myself that the trials are sent to sharpen us. On more than one occasion, I have become my own self-help coach and have told myself to push on, even when every ounce of my body wanted to quit.  There have been some not-so-proud moments when I have cracked and sworn at a computer, motorcycle, or 3D printer. After my tantrum, and self-performed pep-talk, I’ve picked the tools back up, envisioned what completion might look like, and continued…

When I was very little, my mom was warned that if I were introduced to computers that I would become obsessed with them. No doubt I loved the games that they offered, but it was when I realized that I could bend them to my will that this prediction was proven true. I took great pride in being seen as having a type of “wizardry” that most didn’t possess at the time. I remember the sense of accomplishment I felt when a college Computer Science instructor mentioned that my perseverance was one of my greatest attributes. Despite my belief that computers were easy, and that people were hard, my path would always return to people.    

Influenced by thinkers such as Steven Covey, John Maxwell, and Simon Sinek, my StrengthsFinder signature theme of “Developer,” and the example set by my family role models, it is no wonder that my path kept leading me back to people. Maybe it was my tenacity that positioned me in situations of difficult projects, emergencies, looming deadlines, defusing potentially volatile situations with a sense of calm, and creating order from chaos. I may have had some of these abilities naturally, but Masonry is a huge, huge part of my ability to practice these disciplines effectively. Despite my challenges with saying no, Masonry has given me so much.  

Many know that if I engage, I’m “all in.”  That does not mean that I do it perfectly, or that I do not make mistakes. I care about what I do, the way I do it, and the people I choose to include. The other side of that sword is that I’ve been told that I have high expectations. As a result, I know that sometimes I push beyond what I should. In the process, there may have even been times when I have forgotten to see those who are around me. I may have felt compelled to take control of a bad situation, or to volunteer when I know I should not. In the moment, it can be very difficult to see this as anything but good. We are filling a gap, right?

Unfortunately, it can be easy to find yourself feeling let down while you are pushing yourself so hard. It may even be easy to ask yourself why others don’t seem as committed or see things the same way that you do. Bit by bit, you may become consumed and fail to see how the stress builds up until you become tired, burned out, and in some cases (though you’d never admit it) – resentful. This is where things get interesting, and it takes a tremendous amount of self-reflection and reconciliation of inner conflict. Is it possible that somewhere along the way we confused growth through tenacity with relentlessness? Does reality become replaced by the illusion of control, causing us to ignore our own needs until a sense of duty begins to do damage?

 

We may take another lesson from the Greeks and reflect on a craftsman’s invention. When we take on too much, like Icarus, we can become so convinced that we need to keep climbing that we fail to notice the heat until our wings begin to melt. As we fall, we may begin to question whether we live up to the very values we encourage in others.  

Despite how many times I have read Covey, I have learned that knowing the words is not the same as putting them into practice. It’s the difference between being able to perfectly recite prose and embracing its meaning by living it. I know in my heart that I cannot control everything around me, and yet I still find myself trying to push large boulders uphill.  

We may look into the mirror and see the fracture that has occurred. It causes us to question what we thought perseverance meant, and to reconsider what we had been pushing toward in the first place. We might examine our focus, our priorities, and what is truly important, only to realize that somewhere along the way we became lost in the dark.

Maybe it is my age, and the sum of what I’ve seen thus far in my life: I realize that this life is finite and that I am human; I have limits. Perseverance and tenacity are wonderful things, but in the end, I think there’s more to be said about understanding and forgiveness. To be able to let go and try to keep focus on what’s truly important. I know that can be a tall order. Rather than facing it, maybe that’s why so many of us embrace modern technology, easier paths, and the distractions it offers. At the end of it all, it can be easy to pause, look up, and ask a simple one-word question, “Why?”   

Life is complex, and “why” is one of the great questions. Despite our fervor, curiosity, and sometimes a feeling of entitlement, we must humbly remind ourselves that to unlock life’s meaning, we must wait with patience until the temple is complete. While doing so, I hope that you will join me in this reflection, and that you will travel well, my Brothers.

Fraternally, 

Brad Phelps
Grand Lodge Education Officer
Grand Lodge of Minnesota